Trophy rife

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Returning triumphant from the British National Wheelchair Tennis Championships, I would like to completely refute any comments that have been attributed to me about not wanting to take sport too seriously. Instead I find myself snickering like a demented Muttley and demanding medals.

All that clarified, I must confess that I was much relieved when the last game was over. I played far too much tennis and slept far to badly for someone of my advanced years. The sleep was deprived by the hotel's entry for the 'hardest mattress known to mankind' competition.

 The overdose of tennis was partly due to trying to keep my arms from seizing up by taking to the practice court on regular occasions, but mainly because the game is so damn addictive. Especially as any strong, topspinned clear winners on the practice court were distorted by the pressures of competition until they resembled the wafty swings of a foppish dandy fending off the odours of the poor with a lace handkerchief.

Still, I won. I won the singles (novice) and the doubles (c division) with my doubles partner Sarah Baillie, a former basketball player who played for GB in Atlanta and Sydney (Paralympics), but who is also new to tennis.

To be fair, the standard in the novice/c division wasn't hugely high and we all suffered from a bit of nerves. We had new balls for each game, proper umpires and everything.

The evenings were taken up with a bit of socialising, including the odd piece of what would probably be described as un-PC humour. It seems the combination of a whole bunch of competitive disabled people seems to encourage some of the darkest and most ruthless gags.

Still, big up Stuart Wilkinson and Trippletts tennis club for capturing a huge sack full of titles. My meager contribution included to the fine showing for Trip's Crips (tm).

And now I shall sleep all week and dream of a serve that doesn't disappear as soon as I think about it...


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