Ah, the joys of the self-fulfilling prophesy.
Late due to traffic, I take to the courts in a hurry (unnecessary as there were few matches to be played today). Sure enough, my serve abandons me, returning late in the game, just in time to say farewell to my forehand.
The annoying thing is that I lost to a player less experienced than me who I play with nearly every week, and who simply held it together better than me.
I have realised that this is because I don't play enough tournaments to get used to the competitive pressure. I hate it. But yet I can't help coming back for more. Tennis competition is the crack of the sporting world. After 'tournamenting' I feel sullied and grubby. I leave my dignity on the service line, along with any ability to play that I may have erroneously believed I had.
If I win, then there is a high, but it's tinged with an 'it's only a game' hollow feeling. But if I lose, then it's 'I knew that was going to happen, who am I kidding.'
And still I come back for more. I am fascinated by the battle for self control, for focus. I am intrigued by the feeling of exposure- there is nowhere to hide on the tennis court. If I double fault, then the next serve holds even more pressure. It can get worse. I could double fault through an entire match. It is possible.
One good shot and I'm planning ahead, thinking of the games, sets and eventually match I'm sure to win. One bad shot and I can feel the humiliation of not winning another point. EVER. And I can feel the eyes of the entire world boring into me through the tinted glass at the end of the court.
All this goes to show that I'm just not cut out for this, and I've still got the doubles to go.
But I'll still be back next year.
Late due to traffic, I take to the courts in a hurry (unnecessary as there were few matches to be played today). Sure enough, my serve abandons me, returning late in the game, just in time to say farewell to my forehand.
The annoying thing is that I lost to a player less experienced than me who I play with nearly every week, and who simply held it together better than me.
I have realised that this is because I don't play enough tournaments to get used to the competitive pressure. I hate it. But yet I can't help coming back for more. Tennis competition is the crack of the sporting world. After 'tournamenting' I feel sullied and grubby. I leave my dignity on the service line, along with any ability to play that I may have erroneously believed I had.
If I win, then there is a high, but it's tinged with an 'it's only a game' hollow feeling. But if I lose, then it's 'I knew that was going to happen, who am I kidding.'
And still I come back for more. I am fascinated by the battle for self control, for focus. I am intrigued by the feeling of exposure- there is nowhere to hide on the tennis court. If I double fault, then the next serve holds even more pressure. It can get worse. I could double fault through an entire match. It is possible.
One good shot and I'm planning ahead, thinking of the games, sets and eventually match I'm sure to win. One bad shot and I can feel the humiliation of not winning another point. EVER. And I can feel the eyes of the entire world boring into me through the tinted glass at the end of the court.
All this goes to show that I'm just not cut out for this, and I've still got the doubles to go.
But I'll still be back next year.
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